The Assassin and the Empire by Sarah J. Maas | Fantasy | Throne of Glass Novella | Mine for the Reading

"You want to hear something ridiculous? Whenever I’m scared out of my wits, I tell myself: My name is Sam Cortland… and I will not be afraid. I’ve been doing it for years.”
It was her turn to raise her brows. “And that actually works?”
He laughed onto her fingers. “Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But it usually makes me feel better to some degree. Or it just makes me laugh at myself a bit.”

This scene was one of the many that broke me. THE ASSASSIN AND THE EMPIRE is just another piece of the story of Celaena Sardothien’s downfall. The story is woven of betrayal and deceit and severed friendships and old wounds and love. Such a sweet, bright light in a tale which eeks out darkness like spilt blood.

This was the final piece. The cog on the wheel of Celeana’s fate which broke her heart yet again and tormented her spirits into numbness.

I knew what was going to happen. I’ve read the series to date, and love every fracturing piece of Celeana that there is to discover. This is the part of her past that just made the events I’ve already read all worth even more. Made me cry. Made me want to hit someone.

Loss is like that. Especially one that has been treated like a vivid scar Celeana wears on her life going forward. I knew about this pain she bore, but I didn’t fully understand it until I read this novella. And now I mourn for the girl she was all over again.

And the man who suffered for loving her, against all the odds.

It puts so much of Heir of Fire and Queen of Shadows into focus. I cried for it. And I cried for her promise to overcome the hell she was sentenced to. On crumbling legs and wobbly feet, before the Lord of the North, swearing that she would survive.

“The breeze grew into a wind, and she closed her eyes, letting it sweep away the ashes of that dead world—of that dead girl. And then there was nothing left except something new, something still glowing red from the forging.
Celeana opened her eyes.
She would go into Endovier. Go into Hell. And she would not crumble.”

She would not be afraid. I’ve got tears in my eyes yet again.

EMPIRE OF STORMS could not feel farther away.

e-Book / 94 pgs / July 20th 2012 / Bloomsbury / Goodreads / $1.99

My e-book copy was purchased on Amazon.com.

What did I rate The Assassin and the Empire?

Captive Prince + Prince's Gambit by C. S. Pacat | LGBTQ+ | Fantasy | Mine for the Reading

We walked in the night garden, and you took my arm and gave me counsel, and I did not listen.
And Nikandros of Delpha stared back at him, and in a shocked voice, speaking the words half to himself, said, “It’s not possible.”
“Old friend, you have come to a place where nothing is as any of us thought.”

In a land of serpents and wolves ever-bickering and unable to trounce the other, Laurent of Vere and Damianos of Akielos find themselves entwined by brutality and treachery in the midst of a brewing war and political conquering. Both will surely lead to the destruction of the fragile peace keeping everything just barely intact. Damianos, once a prince, betrayed and made a slave in the kingdom of Vere, is caged in his helplessness and inability to aid the country falling apart under the rule of the man—and the woman—who betrayed him. But that’s not all he has to worry about.

There’s one crucial thing to bear in mind when finding yourself in a kingdom made of honeyed poison: survival. Between the disgusting practices and abuse of the system that governs them, Vere, in all it’s finery and elegant nobility, can drive a man to do things that would leave him irrevocably unhinged—if not dead. The sickening, merciless brutality doled out by the Veretians in their court games and spectacles make the crown prince of their barbarian neighbors regard the country with a whole new level of near-maddening distaste and horror.

Laurent was born in this cold web of deceit, broken children, repellent men and women, and battered slaves. That may have lent to his impenetrable armor against it all—except for the very few chinks Damen discovers in watching him during his forced servitude. That is, when he’s not fighting for dominance—even mere living—against the ice-veined, amoral prince with a deep, personal loathing for Damen and his countrymen.

With all the well-constructed political disputes lacking the accent of magic and a romance inhibited by a stark imbalance of power as within The Winner’s Curse trilogy mixed with the horrifying cruelty and cutting treachery of Game of Thrones, the Captive Prince books are a marked success of a recipe gone right. Though, I’m not quite so attached as to roar about the missing—as yet—third sequel, it’s more than simple curiosity which has reeled me in, kept me glued, and left me reaching for what will happen next.

More than anything, I need to know how this will end. Will Laurent overcome the reality of Damen’s true identity (if he somehow already hasn’t?)? Will Damen be able to ease the suffering of that knowledge? Can a love (undeclared) like this—born within hate and brutality and slavery—succeed? Will thrones be reclaimed, war stopped, cunning outsmarted, viciousness eradicated? Questions that will dog me until book three. The answers may hurt me, and yet I still can’t wait.

Ebook / 240 + 216 pgs / 2012 (AU)/2015 (US) / Berkeley / Goodreads / $6.99

My copy was purchased from Amazon Kindle.

What did I rate Captive Prince?


Sidenote: I used the Japanese released cover because it is GORGEOUS. And makes me hopeful there will be a manga or an anime in the future. :-)

Shadow Spell by Nora Roberts

"This is what we are," Brannaugh said, still glowing from the shock of energy. "This is what we have. The nights grow longer now. The dark conquers light. But he will not conquer us."

Oh, would you believe how much this pains me? Writing this out, spelling out my feelings this way, a way that doesn't make Nora Roberts sound like the god of romance and storytelling and romantic storytelling I know her to be. She's fueled my dreams of love and fulfillment since I was a girl of preadolescence and I still firmly believe she is a queen among authors. But even royalty have an off day, I suppose.

To be fair, I knew that beyond the first book, Dark Witch, I was going to have a tough time. There was something so specific and individualized about the way I loved Iona and her story that I knew it wouldn't translate the same throughout the series. And it didn't help that these characters whom I knew would arise from the role of secondary to primary characters failed to win me. It was the love of Iona and the promise of her future with Boyle that drew me away from my doubt and trapped me into really liking the Dark Witch after the rich opening chapters.

Without her intense draw, it's too easy to see how dull I find the rest of the story beginning with Shadow Spell. Because the remaining characters felt like a gloomy day that left me begging for the sunshine that was Iona and because most of the plot is made up of uneventful, boring dinner conversations of supposed strategy instead of actual action, I found myself yawning and flipping quickly through the pages--so quickly, in fact, that the words could only be skimmed. Barely.

In truth, this read felt more like a DNF sitting since I can't recall over a quarter of the book, just a blur of words as I hastened to reach the ending I desperately wanted. Wanted not due to real worry or excitement for the conclusion, but due to eagerness in actually finding one at last. Folks, it's a sad day when I'm begging for a new Nora Roberts book to end so that I can chuck it aside.

I will be checking out the final book, just to see how that final couple stops prolonging the torture of not being together and to convince myself that it was just this installment that bothered and not the whole story idea. And let's face it: I'm always excited for a New Nora no matter what, even when I'm disappointed by the last.

Paperback / 319 pgs / March 25th 2014 / Berkeley Penguin / Goodreads / $17.00

My copy was purchased on Amazon.com.

What did I rate Shadow Spell?

Reaction to... Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas [No spoilers!]

I’ve waited long for this day. I would’ve posted about this sooner, my friends, but I confess irresponsibility and absent-mindedness. I’m on vacation! But that’s neither here nor there when we’re about to discuss a little delight presented to us by Sarah J. Maas. First of all, though it’s no secret, I’d like to preface this post by professing an incessant admiration for Sarah and a disturbing obsession with this series. Not sure if that necessarily makes me bias considering I have MANY reasons to feel the way I do about this series—because it is truly wonderful. Throne of Glass is absolutely a phenomenal work, a beginning to the chronicles of a young deadly assassin with a big heart torn between loyalties, prophecy, and politics, but it’s sequel I might love even deeper.

Throughout book one we spent our time getting to know Celaena and the players to be involved in her life. It was the characters that cemented my connection to this story, the action, plot, and sleuthing falling just below that important aspect but still ranking highly among those I’ve read of the same caliber. But what makes Crown of Midnight so lovely, and perhaps better than it’s predecessor, is that taking of what we already know of the characters and deepening it, darkening it. In spite of the atmosphere of the last book—with a cutthroat competition taking place—there wasn’t nearly as much of a sense of urgency and danger as in this one. The urgency in blocking the king from further spreading his evil, in the prophecy that’s slowly arising, and the danger in the part of Celaena her enemies fail to remember and, frankly, foolishly underestimate. It’s these two components that make this read incredibly compelling, and sets the tone darker than I thought possible.

Both slyly torturous and proportionately thrilling, the events of Crown of Midnight take the slight joyous air that builds for a while in the beginning and dips it straight into Celaena’s personal hell. More than that, there are some amazing revelations provided—secrets of not only Celaena’s past but of her origins and capabilities that I only vaguely guessed at—and was unsurprisingly astounded by them. Maas seemed to have a firmer grip over the pacing and a much more solid control over the plot’s consistency making the story that much more enjoyable. I recommend savoring Crown of Midnight, guys, so that you can appreciate every nuance, every miniscule detail stunningly put together.

Notice how I very carefully avoid the subject of the romance—not because it wasn’t so freaking satisfying I want to shout to the rooftops, nay that isn’t the reason. I just don’t want to spoil anything. But let’s just say that it’s as beautifully written and has so far been as agonizing as the goings-on throughout. I only hope that it ends up far better than the dreadful picture that’s already been mapped out. Every inch of this story brings you so much closer to the end of this trilogy and yet takes you so far away—I NEED the last book in this series. Need. But, yes, though the fate of Celaena’s romance hanging in the balance is a drive, it’s definitely not the only reason to beg for the final act.

I wasn’t shocked that Sarah had overcome the Sophomore Slump and thumbed her nose in victory because this series is just too fantastic, but I am surprised by the scope, depth, and wonder within this sequel. After this book, I don’t think there will EVER be reason to doubt Sarah J Maas and her affinity for storytelling—she’s written a set of soul books, books that seem to have been written with me in mind, and I’ll be forever grateful to her for it.

Hardcover / 432 pgs / Aug 27th 2013 / Bloomsbury / Goodreads / $17.99

I picked this one up at Sarah's signing during Book Expo America.

Reaction to... Of Beast And Beauty by Stacey Jay

"Beauty is wherever you find it, and Beast is there when you need to defend it."

My God, man. What an incredible story. I deliver that to you first, daring to hope that it'll carry to you the simple awe I feel packed in that one statement. Within the many genres this story fits, Jay has done daring, beautiful things with it that make it one of those unparalleled stories you have a hard time expressing your gratitude for. What this woman has done with a story that never really spoils in the retelling of it surpasses all that come to mind; I absolutely love every infinitesimal piece of this unexpected tale.

Stacey Jay writes like a lavish storyteller, every sumptuous word and beautiful phrase not added for flourish but to better paint the picture she wishes you to see more than read. Her writing broke this world open and let me into every stone, every rose, every scale until I was as wrapped around it as the dome which wraps around the city of Yuan, where live the ancient gods and cursed men who come into play.

"In the beginning was the darkness and in the darkness was a girl, and in the girl was a secret. The secret was as old as the cracked cobblestone streets of Yuan, as peculiar as the roses that bloom eternally within the domed city's walls, as poisonous as forgotten history and the stories told in it's place."

A world's spirit rendered into two, a curse caging cities in their corruption. Of Beast and Beauty is about acceptance, hard realities, a falling city, greed, and a love that can save all things. If a boy and a girl from both ways of life can look beyond themselves and where they came from and love each other truly, the curse that demands sacrifice in the domed city of Yuan, that starves the clawed Desert People, and has them turning on each other, will be lifted. And unbeknownst to the change they could bring, a queen whose power has been stifled and a warrior desperate to bring hope to his people are set on a path to restore balance to the planet their ancestors disturbed and damaged.

Full of hate, fear, and suspicion, Isra and Gem are the perfect candidates for a bout of forbidden, torturous, nonsensical love. Their struggles, their reluctance, their mutual shock over the lack of disgust that should be there is lived through so perfectly by them so that you're caught in this emotional torrent of hope, uncertainty, nerves, and unbeatable determination. The glorious transition from friends onward isn't painfully slow, but just slow enough to be right. I could bathe, burrow, and drown in their touches and looks, love and despair all day. All night for that matter, because I haven't had a bleeding ounce of sleep since I awoke at ten this morning (note: it's 4:30am now).

"For the first time, she doesn't smell like roses. She smells like cactus milk--clean and salty and of the desert, like my people--and I suddenly wonder if she would taste like all the girls I've kissed in my life. There were other girls before... I always assumed there would be more, but I never thought...
Even a moment ago when I...
I didn't think... imagine... that she might...
A part of me still refuses to believe it, but another part knows what a girl wants when her fingers linger too long on a boy's mouth, and it knows better than to hesitate. So I don't. I pull her hand away, and risk a kiss."

The miracle of them combined with their world and the way in which its written, as well as reminding me a touch of Under the Never Sky, proves Of Beast and Beauty by Stacey Jay has no faults with me. It is undoubtedly one of my favorites of this year.

Hardcover / 400 pgs / July 23rd 2013 / Delacorte Press / Goodreads / $17.99

I received an e-galley of this from Random House via Edelweiss.

Early Reaction to... BEA TITLE #1: The Burning Sky by Sherry Thomas (The Elemental Trilogy, #1)

TO UNCOVER OR BE COVERED:
Let’s be real here: you could tell me either cover for THE BURNING SKY was making it to the publication wing and I’d do a shimmy around my house I love both so much. I’m a little partial to the first cover, maybe, as I think it really nails the depiction of the catalyst scene in the story, but I don’t mind the new one one bit. Let’s be even realer: who cares when this book is so darn awesome?

SUMMARY:It all began with a ruined elixir and an accidental bolt of lightning…

Iolanthe Seabourne is the greatest elemental mage of her generation—or so she's being told. The one prophesied for years to be the savior of The Realm. It is her duty and destiny to face and defeat the Bane, the greatest mage tyrant the world has ever known. A suicide task for anyone let alone a sixteen-year-old girl with no training, facing a prophecy that foretells a fiery clash to the death.

Prince Titus of Elberon has sworn to protect Iolanthe at all costs but he's also a powerful mage committed to obliterating the Bane to revenge the death of his family—even if he must sacrifice both Iolanthe and himself to achieve his goal.

But Titus makes the terrifying mistake of falling in love with the girl who should have been only a means to an end. Now, with the servants of the Bane closing in, he must choose between his mission and her life.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
Iolanthe Seabourne may be one of the greatest elemental mages out there—to her constant surprise and somewhat remaining disbelief—but no one knows. Because to know of the depth of her gifts risks the attention of Atlantis—and it’s cold-blooded leader who is rumored to have collected mages like her over the years and never returned them to their homes. Iolanthe’s time, however, is coming, as it’s been foreseen. It’s watched for at the same hour every day by Prince Titus—a royal from a noble house that lacks true power who is eager to fulfill his prophetic mother’s wish and avenge his once great family. On the day in which Iolanthe is forced to restore a batch of elixir, at last Titus beholds the sign he’s waited his whole life for, and it begins.

A column of pure white light, so distant it was barely more than a thread, so brilliant it nearly blinded the the prince, burst into existence.
He stood mute and amazed for an entire minute before something kicked him hard in the chest, the realization that this was the very sign for which he had waited half his life.

Scared though he may be, unprepared though he might feel, Titus brings himself swiftly to action and to the charred mage left at the top of a blackened rooftop.

Prince Titus, however, is not the only one ready to whisk her away into the unknown. Servants of Atlantis—including the chilling Inquisitor—are on the hunt for the mage capable of such an event and will search every town, will interrogate every suspect until the girl is found. And so Titus does the only thing he can think of (and has already mostly planned for): he helps Iolanthe masquerade as a boy attending the non-magical all boys’ school he’s received his education from most of his life. With the Bane and his henchmen not far behind them, and with spies lurking about to sniff out their secrets, Titus must also be quick in convincing Iolanthe of her destiny—to face the most powerful mage of their time in battle alongside him—and prepare her for what’s to come.

But he can’t prepare for the one thing that could alter his plans—the attachment, the feelings that arise for the girl he’s devoted to protecting and committed to bringing with him to probable slaughter.

WHERE WE GO:
One moment we’re at Iolanthe’s door, watching her foolishly do something with no concept of the repercussions, and then we’re with her at the top of a building that holds a MASSIVE crater of late, breathing shakily as a terrifying thrill works through us layered over the anticipation of facing enemies she has no idea she has. Within the next moment, we’re vaulting to an unknown destination with a trunk as our vessel, unsure of what lies ahead. And then we’re with Titus in a Muggle-esque institution, holding our breaths because we’re all uncertain of Iolanthe’s ability to disguise herself well.

I constantly felt with them as the scenery changed, as the plot moved around to incorporate each obstacle. From ancient storybook training grounds (which is A LOT flyer than it sounds!) to inside the depths of the Inquisitor’s interrogation chambers, there is so much happening and so many different places gone through that the last thing THE BURNING SKY could be is boring. A little slow, maybe, but nonetheless fascinating overall.

WHO WE ARE WITH:
I’m not gonna lie, it’s so much more difficult for me to get in touch with characters when we’re dealing with a third person narration. While on the one hand I like the versatility and the potential for diverse points of view, there’s this intrinsic distance that’s hard to shake off. After a while though, that ceased being a problem because of Iolanthe’s—without a better alternative in mind—realness. This girl is stubborn and fierce, but she’s not unbelievably righteous and brave, especially at the get when a certain royal stranger is talking about taking down the Bane, their unspoken dictator, all off of a prophecy spouted off by a self-proclaimed seer. Heck no, she doesn’t want to bring this guy down very likely at the cost of her life, and certainly not after her guardian risked his own to help her preserve hers. She’s got a good mix in her of practicality and genuine fear to be a believable heroine.

In her heart she was beginning to understand that it was truly written in the stars, her destiny. Yet it still seemed utterly impossible that she would ever find the audacity to face the Bane, she who had lived such a small life, so tightly focused only on the well-being of her own family.

Because, really, before The Incident nobody had any reason to suspect her of being capable of great elemental magic; she’s not being persecuted or pursued—at least she wasn’t—so what cause does she have to fight for? What would be her drive in this mad plot against the Bane? There’s not enough anger, not enough duty in her or a tie that could bring her into the fight—yet. She’s not where Titus is at—with a set goal, fighting for something because of the love he has for his mother, a love that ties him to the promise he made and that angers him enough to need to avenge her death.

But as these two grow closer, neither of them ever considering the possibility of that happening when their relationship is tenuously cordial at best in the beginning, they become these companions, friends—and almost more than—and that prevents them from driving apart in two directions. It’s very simple. If Titus needs to do this thing, Iolanthe will follow him; if Iolanthe will be in mortal danger doing so, Titus would give his own life to see this done without harm come to her. It becomes just a basic matter of accepting these as inarguable truths and how best to proceed and I LOVE THAT. There is so much room for potential between these two and they haven’t even hit the top of the jug yet, leaving me with bated breath over what could POSSIBLY happen between them.

THE LITTLE THINGS:

1. Archer Fairfax
2. A Canary And The Tub
3. The Crucible
4. A Little Of Kashkari
5. Meeting in Cape Wrath

I never get enough of good, solid, quite close to breathtaking fantasy to add the collection of awesome titles I’ve been privileged to read, and so I can barely express how much I’m looking forward to the next book in this series. With even stronger development, and more depth into the relationship between Titus and Iolanthe, I’m sensing this may end up as a special shelf series. BUT, I’m reserving judgment just now until I see what’s next.

Even so, this is a riveting mash-up of excellent writing, great characters, and fascinating world-building that's a little like a salute to Harry Potter—what else do you need? My only hope is that Thomas’s success continues in the next book in The Elemental Trilogy.

Hardcover / 464 pgs / Sept 17th 2013 / Balzer + Bray / Goodreads / $17.99

I acquired an ARC from Book Expo America at the Harper Collins booth.

Reaction to... The Pirate's Wish by Cassandra Rose Clarke

TO UNCOVER OR BE COVERED:
I don’t think it’s possible (or wise *raises fist*) to argue with me when I say that this series has the most INCREDIBLE cover designs. They really are impressive, with all these fantastic graphic designs intermingled with equally awesome artwork! The cover for THE PIRATE’S WISH does not disappoint, with a vivid background color, matching design, and a center that alludes to what we can expect this installment to be about. Strange Chemistry has done a highly commendable job giving covers to this series that encapsulates what both books are all about and presents it in a way that intrigues.

SUMMARY: After setting out to break the curse that binds them together, the pirate Ananna and the assassin Naji find themselves stranded on an enchanted island in the north with nothing but a sword, their wits, and the secret to breaking the curse: complete three impossible tasks. With the help of their friend Marjani and a rather unusual ally, Ananna and Naji make their way south again, seeking what seems to be beyond their reach.

Unfortunately, Naji has enemies from the shadowy world known as the Mists, and Ananna must still face the repercussions of going up against the Pirate Confederation. Together, Naji and Ananna must break the curse, escape their enemies — and come to terms with their growing romantic attraction.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
Ananna is a pirate from a high-ranking family in the Pirate Confederation. But as notorious as her family is, they don’t have the resources to plunder this particularly attractive and tempting loot hotspot. And there’s only one thing for it: Ananna’s parents must ally themselves with a family who can, and to do it they must marry their daughter off to the son of that family. Alas, things don’t go according to plan because the last thing Ananna wants to be is second-in-command to a too-beautiful wannabe when she’s good and passionate enough to sail her own ship. Leaving the arrangement behind, however, leads to a whirlwind of consequences. Top of the list? Having a highly trained, legendary assassin on her tail at every turn ready to annihilate her. What neither she nor the assassin count on, though, is her good-hearted nature stepping in and saving him from an absolute death, triggering, you guessed it, the assassin’s curse.

Now an epic adventure quest is in full swing, as both desperately try to cure him of his impossible curse, only to learn that the answer, or should I say answers, they seek will not come to them easily. In fact, the solutions are said to be just as impossible as the assassin’s curse. Still, there’s nothing for it but to try, and with the opening of THE PIRATE’S WISH, Ananna and Naji are bringing themselves closer to end of their journey.

WHERE WE GO:


My excitement for THE PIRATE’S WISH is pretty much unparalleled compared to most sequels I’m anticipating. Because, though THE ASSASSIN’S CURSE wasn’t an absolute perfect read for me, it’s still one of my favorites, an extraordinary tale presented in a very unique fashion. The series doesn’t fall in with YA fantasy tropes and trends that I think most people allow themselves to expect when it comes to books like these and use them as an excuse not to pick them up. THE ASSASSIN’S CURSE series just proves that there are books that aren’t about this all-powerful “chosen one,” a prophecy, or a large-scale battle of good versus evil set in medieval-esque universe. This duology takes place in a kind of middle Eastern-inspired backdrop, navigating the seas and maneuvering in the desert, with two characters tied by a forced and unexpected irrevocable bond they seek to break, bringing with it the promise of adventure.

WHO WE ARE WITH:
I would totally share a single slice of my cheesecake with Ananna, which WHOA. But she’s just that awesome, that if she ever asked me for a piece, I’d gladly take the whole pie out of my fridge and allow her to even have the BIGGEST piece. Again: whoa. She’s not the most beautiful or sweetest of heroines, and I do adore that. But more than that I like that she has a gruff, blunt manner that hides the oversized heart she’s got, the one that, these days, seems to be beating only for Naji. She’s quick and clever, devious and sly, bad-tempered and easily frustrated, and the sea, more than your average pirate, belongs to her, is where she’s home.

I loved seeing her come into her own capabilities as a pirate, helping keep her friend’s ship afloat, managing the crew, and navigating through the seas by a natural talent. And of course I kept glaring at Naji throughout the first half of the book because Ananna’s heart was sore. But the manticore they meet perked things up considerably! My goodness, that beast is hilarious and interesting and definitely uncommon when it comes to magical beasts you expect to greet you during an adventure fantasy. I loved the surprising female solidarity both the beast and Ananna shared.

But mostly, I couldn’t stop gushing and squealing and making happy giggles over the direction of the romance. I know some people aren’t fully satisfied in that respect, but I certainly am. Because it wasn’t overdone to make me gag and I don’t think it took away from who Naji and Ananna are as people. Their lives will never completely fit into each other’s and yet they will always love and know that they are loved back and will forever be entwined, blood-bond or no. There’s a special kind of trust in that sort of unique relationship that they’ve chosen to have which best suits their needs as individuals. I LOVED THAT so so much!!

THE LITTLE THINGS:

1. The Manticore Eats Men A Lot
2. Ananna Gets Her Heart's Wish (As Do I)
3. Every Damn Kiss %&$@@^I& ('Cause Hades knows we've been waiting!)

As much as I’m going to miss these characters, this particular story, I’m really happy that this is a duology. That Clarke and her team were able to definitively cut the story in half and that was all. No need to elongate it for the sake of a label, for the sake of making just another trilogy. It’s perfect the way it is and never once did I feel like it was being dragged out as it stands now. I can't imagine anyone not appreciating that, just as I can't imagine anyone not enjoying the heck out of these books! Give them a try and see for yourself.

Paperback / 336 pgs / June 18th 2013 / Strange Chemistry / Goodreads / $9.99

I received an e-galley of this installment from Strange Chemistry via Netgalley.

Reaction to... The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle by Christopher Healy

TO UNCOVER OR BE COVERED:
THE HERO’S GUIDE TO SAVING YOUR KINGDOM by Christopher Healy definitely won out among many of the covers I adored in last year’s releases, so it’s not such a huge leap to make the conclusion that I adore this second book’s cover just as much. For obvious reasons, such as how beautifully crafted the artwork is, and also for more underlying purposes. I love that the cover of THE HERO’S GUIDE TO STORMING THE CASTLE is perfectly suitable to the ridiculous and hilarious adventures waiting inside, because it’s quite telling of the characters. With one glance at this cover, you should already have an idea of what these stories will be like.

Good. Because that means I’m justified in giving you reproachful glares if you still manage to pass up the opportunity to crack open the cover.

SUMMARY: Prince Liam. Prince Frederic. Prince Duncan. Prince Gustav. You remember them, don't you? They're the Princes Charming who finally got some credit after they stepped out of the shadows of their princesses - Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, and Briar Rose - to defeat an evil witch bent on destroying all their kingdoms.

But alas, such fame and recognition only last so long. And when the princes discover that an object of great power might fall into any number of wrong hands, they are going to have to once again band together to stop it from happening - even if no one will ever know it was they who did it.

Christopher Healy, author of the acclaimed The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom, takes us back to the hilariously fractured fairy-tale world he created for another tale of medieval mischief. Magical gemstones, bladejaw eels, a mysterious Gray Phantom, and two maniacal warlords bent on world domination - it's all in a day's work for the League of Princes.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
In THE HERO’S GUIDE TO STORMING THE CASTLE we are quickly brought up to speed on the latest happenings since last we were with the League of Princes, and are just as quickly to discover that not much has happened in some time. Nor has there been very much change. You know, one would assume that after defeating an evil witch responsible for the kidnapping of the famous bards in all the land—who are responsible for the misinterpretation of the Princes Charming in each of their respective tales of supposed heroics to begin with—that a little recognition, a little respect for Princes Liam, Gustav, Duncan, and Frederic would be the bare minimum of what they deserve after their individual shows of bravery. But as fiction is prone to showing us, fictional characters, even ones as charming and zany as those we’ve been introduced to in Chris’s incredibly imaginative reinvention, should not expect to get what they want.

A year later, and the bards have still got it wrong, spreading still more exaggerations and partial truths about our poor band of princes. A year later, and Duncan is hard at work on his guide to being a hero, though he remains as adorably random and bizarre as ever; Liam is still scared to return to his homeland where he would no doubt be forced to marry the intolerable Briar Rose; Frederic has reverted to the prince whose qualms were only ever with dust and spotty silverware, unimproved in the art of the sword and terribly likely to cower at the thought of leaving the safety of the castle; and Gustav, well, let’s just say his family and their perception of him hasn’t gotten any better, in fact it’s far worse.

Good thing there’s a small matter of a quest to come, leading the League of Princes right back to each other to pick up again with their disastrous plans and misguided, scattered attempts to save the kingdoms from a pampered, self-entitled royal pain, an eleven-year-old bandit king, and a cruel, evil ruler of a dark foreign land.

WHERE WE GO:
THE HERO’S GUIDE series is sort of what I imagine reading THE PRINCESS BRIDE would be like. PRINCESS BRIDE the film is one of my favorite fairytale-esque parodies, and if ever Healy’s books were made into movies, I feel like that’s what it would be like: varying perspectives, hilarious introspection and misadventures, while still possessing fabulous characters and plot. In STORMING THE CASTLE, so much is coming together at once it could be hard to keep up but it somehow isn’t, even though you could flip from the perspective of one of the Princes to one of the villains fairly quickly and the plot isn’t always chronological. But it works.

What begins as innocent and fun swordplay, with a little teasing at Frederic’s expense, in the middle of the Harmonian palace ends up with an unconscious Liam tossed over the shoulder of a mysterious cowl-wearing kidnapper. Instantly, the adventure flowers before anyone has time to figure out what it’s going to be, with a fast-thinking Frederic hastily sending word for the League of Princes, and uninvited friends, to assemble in the hopes to restore their friend at their sides. But once they regain their unspoken leader, things aren’t as they’d once been and the quest is far from over, so we traverse through various kingdoms and are maneuvered through high-speed wagon chases and impersonate a number of clowns all leading up to the final showdown at the Bandit King’s base of operations/impregnable fortress.

WHO WE ARE WITH:
With Healy’s work this time around, it was slightly difficult to get invested. Every time I tried, I kept getting interrupted. So every time Duncan had an outburst where he formally dubbed a random animal or Liam was hit with a wrecking ball of revealed secrets demolishing his confidence or whatever, people were MAKING NOISE. About how I should be working and not reading, how I should be cleaning and not reading, how I should be eating and not reading. PEOPLE WOULDN’T GO AWAY. Which really pisses me off, since I figure that that has more to do with my small lack of emotional investment than anything that Chris did. He’s so good I don’t even blame him, I blame myself. And every-freaking-one else.

BUT, that didn’t prevent me from noticing some really awesome things. I loved that essentially all the horse poop—Papa Scoots Jr. is the most likely culprit—hit the fan in this installment. We have Liam whose spirit is crushed after learning that the pivotal point during the infancy of his heroism was actually a farce, and is now unsure of every decision he makes, caught in a spiraling span of guilt and doubt. And because of this, I really loved seeing Frederic take the reins in this one. Though an unskilled swordsman he may be, he is an excellent strategist and amasser of loyalties, which proves to be as important a skill as the former. So *MEGA FIST PUMPS*!!

And finally all the princesses have been gathered as well. Although one among them may be a minor villain, it was still fabulous to see these ladies climb aboard this wacky scheme against Deeb Rauber. Yes, they are all perfectly matched to a prince in some way, though not how everyone assumes, but they are NOT just striking accents. They hold their own against each obstacle thrown in the group’s way by their own wit and skill, so DOUBLE YAY.

THE LITTLE THINGS:

1. Deeb Rauber Punishes a Henchman Via Chewed Gum
2. Cinderella’s Heart Drops When Liam Says ‘I Do’
3. Frederic Sees Rapunzel Again
4. Snow White Beans a Few Bandits At the Circus
5. Gustav and Briar Rose Banter With Each Other
6. Little Lila Trains As a Bounty Hunter

Duncan rushed in for a hug, but Gustav sidestepped, allowing his friend to face-plant into a nearby tree. Feeling slightly bad about this, Gustav treated Duncan to a pat on the head. Duncan was satisfied.
"Hey, Mr. Mini-Cape, I see you've got yourself a ride this time," Gustav said, noticing Duncan's horse.
"Ah, yes," Duncan said. "Allow me to introduce Papa Scoots Jr. As you surely remember, the original Papa Scoots ran away last year. I thought I'd never have a horse like that again. But as luck would have it, one summer morning, this fine beast wandered into Papa Scoot's old stable. To make it even more of a coincidence, he looks exactly like Papa Scoots! So I had to name him Papa Scoots Jr. It's like fate."
"Um, Duncan," Frederic said tentatively. "Did you even consider that maybe Papa Scoots just found his way back home? That this is Papa Scoots?"
"Impossible," Duncan said. "Papa Scoots hated me."
And with that, Papa Scoots Jr. kicked Duncan into a bush.

It’s not only a pleasure to read one of Chris Healy’s books, but it’s a warm comfort and a devastation to the stomach muscles, because most of the time there’s nothing but endless laughter. Yes, his stories are imaginative, interesting, and exciting, but nothing beats out that they’re fun, that they’re the kind of books that make me wish my sisters were a little younger so that they would appreciate my reading his books to them (instead of scoffing) and I could get away with doing so without having to come up with excuses. His stories make me want to read them aloud to see who else would laugh, and because I want to share them so much, that in itself proves how much I LOVE HIS BOOKS. He has a way, Chris does, and to think about the wait for the next book in the series is too much torture to have to bear before attempting to sleep at 1am. But, this is a series worth expressing myself over at a hellish hour like this one.

Hardback / 496 pgs / April 30th 2013 / Walden Pond Press / Goodreads / $16.99

I received an ARC of this installment from a publicist at Walden Pond Press.

Reaction to... The Bitter Kingdom by Rae Carson

TO UNCOVER OR BE COVERED:
I know some people don’t dig the bejeweled covers with the model at their center, but I think they’re all really stunning. It could be for reasons as shallow as they’re sparkly or it could be more obscure than that even to me.

SUMMARY: The epic and deeply satisfying conclusion to Rae Carson's Fire and Thorns trilogy. The seventeen-year-old sorcerer-queen will travel into the unknown realm of the enemy to win back her true love, save her country, and uncover the final secrets of her destiny.

Elisa is a fugitive in her own country. Her enemies have stolen the man she loves in order to lure her to the gate of darkness. As she and her daring companions take one last quest into unknown enemy territory to save Hector, Elisa will face hardships she's never imagined. And she will discover secrets about herself and her world that could change the course of history. She must rise up as champion-a champion to those who have hated her most. Riveting, surprising, and achingly romantic, Rae Carson has spun a bold and powerful conclusion to her extraordinary trilogy.

You guys. This is absolutely… …

…

Well, I was going to say absolutely my most anticipated sequel release of the year but then I started thinking about Thankless In Death, Storming the Castle, The Fiery Heart, Daylighters, and I could go on and I started to think that when I get all rambunctious and excited my memory short-circuits and I start spouting untruths akin to blasphemy.

Even my cat, Sam, is giving me a look that says



Anyway, I can barely remember what I wrote in the message to Harper Collins to convince them to let me read this book (probably that excitement-makes-my-brain-go-kaput thing I mentioned) but I know it probably alluded to willing enslavement among other unsavory behaviors if only I COULD HAVE THIS BOOK.

They sure know how to read beneath all that flowery language and abundance of compliments and found the desperation I was doing little to hide AND I THANK THEM.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
I read THE BITTER KINGDOM in April, read THE CROWN OF EMBERS in October of 2012 and I can still tell you what this series is about. That’s skillz, my brethren, so believe it, fear it. What? I meant Rae Carson. Surely you know I have more modesty.

THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS introduces an insecure, unhappy, god-chosen Elisa who’s not comfortable in the shoes of “the chosen one” let alone in her own skin. She’s malleable and is pushed, pulled, toyed with and has no clue as to how much untapped potential and power she truly possesses, which, by far, makes the brightest spot of the series—her growth and transition into one of the most formidable, powerful heroines I’ve ever loved. Her journey to that inner strength begins in GoFaT (funny isn’t it!), climbs in THE CROWN OF EMBERS, and makes the distance at a profound height in THE BITTER KINGDOM. Her opponents range from terrifying pale-skinned magic users to sly dark-skinned country and noblemen, and within that are political disarray and a mysterious prophecy to take on as well. Why wouldn’t you want to read a series in which a girl, through personal struggles and vast accumulation of loyalties, triumphs against them all?

WHERE WE GO:
I’m a character girl all the way down to my underwear (my feet are a little undecided) but even I can appreciate the depth and complications of the story line. Carson takes her beautiful eruption of a fantasy world—so vivid, startling, and well-excavated—and wields it in EVERY INCH of the plot that has spanned the trilogy, filling all the holes at the right moments with the secrets of her world she’s left buried in the desert of Joya d’Arena and under the cold stones of the bitter kingdom of Invierno and calls them to rise. Like a darn pro and I’ve found her machinations of torture against us readers brutal and delightful.



Yeah, probably.

WHO WE ARE WITH:
Storm chuckles. "Queen, chosen one, horse thief. Let it never be said that you are not accomplished."

Oh, God, this review wasn’t supposed to be so long, but I can’t not divulge on each amazing fictional specimen on every page of THE BITTER KINGDOM! Elisa is undoubtedly one of my favorite heroines of all time, and even to my surprise her growth STILL CONTINUES. And it’s marvelous and beautiful and, gosh darn, I’m so freaking proud. Her acceptance of everything she’s become, all that she was, and what she still is is disarmingly FEELS-RIDDEN. But, man, her supporting cast is exactly that, determinedly supportive and fiercely loyal, and deserves as much mention as my keyboard and your attention will allow.

I think what draws these people to Elisa is her willingness to forgive and a power that leaves them awe-stricken. Belen, once traitor always a friend, is on my FAVORITE ASSASINS LIST, and deserves nothing less than the whole heart of Mara, Elisa’s BAMF lady-in-waiting. Then, there’s forever room, OBVS, for Hector, a deep-in-the-bones good, honorable man, friend, and so much more than I could EVER have hoped for my chick. Storm, an unexpected, grudgingly loyal ally, is surprisingly my favorite person for comic relief. Surprising because of his usual stoic nature, but everything that comes out of his mouth is caresses to my very receptive ears. And the newest addition of Mula/Red just caps the awesomeness on these guys. Another lovable child added to the cast, with so much courage and strength and lovable qualities, it makes me glow better than the biggest baddest glowworm that Elisa, essentially, has found a son in Rosario and perhaps a daughter in this fantastic little girl.

She has been with us for such a short time, yet she was willing to risk her life for our cause. "Weren't you scared?" I ask.
"Yes. But it was a good scared."
"There's a good kind?"
"Oh, yes." Her voice drops so low I have to strain to hear. "Orlin made me scared all the time. Scared I would starve. Scared I would get too cold. Scared he would hurt me again or get so mad that he'd throw me to one of the men. That was nasty bad scared." She pauses, scuffing her boots against the floor. "But you never hit me, even though I'm your slave."
"You're not my--"
"And you always feed me. You call me a true name. Now, when I'm scared it's not because of meanness. And today I chose my own scared. It's always a good scared, when you get to pick it for your own self."

THE LITTLE THINGS:

1. Hector’s %(*&^$DGG)^ to Elisa’s &%$@DF@$
2. The Sexy Nervous Bedchamber Scene
3. Mula Becomes Red Sparkling Stone
4. Red Picks Her Own Scared
5. Mara Says No to Belen and Smiles
6. Everything Said By He Who Wafts Gently with the Wind Becomes as Mighty as the Thunderstorm
7. And especially… everything

"You look beautiful," Alodia says.
I startle at the compliment. Then I smile. "I'm beautiful to the one person who matters."
She nods. "*&^^&$FGD's mouth will drop open when he sees you."
"I hope so. But I meant me. I'm beautiful to me."

What more do you need me to say? I’ve told you ALL OF IT. Every ounce of feelings in my overburdened body has been poured into this review. If, after ALL THIS, you don’t read this book I will slay you with whatever is at hand (I don’t know how much damage a keyboard will do, but I’m friggin’ willing to find out).

Hardcover / 400 pgs / Aug 27th 2013 / Greenwillow Books / Goodreads / $17.99

I received a copy that I got in April from Harper Teen via Edelweiss.

Reaction to... Dastardly Cradle Snatcher, Victorian Magnus, Lotta Death, and a Sideless Love Triangle

TO UNCOVER OR BE COVERED:
I have only one thing to say about this: Where was the cover designer for The Infernal Devices when both City of Fallen Angels and City of Lost Souls was released for everybody to hate see?

Now, now, darlings, be careful with those freshly sharpened pitchforks. I’m only mostly serious.

SUMMARY: Danger and betrayal, secrets and enchantment in the breathtaking conclusion to the Infernal Devices trilogy.

Tessa Gray should be happy - aren't all brides happy? Yet as she prepares for her wedding, a net of shadows begins to tighten around the Shadowhunters of the London Institute. A new demon appears, one linked by blood and secrecy to Mortmain, the man who plans to use his army of pitiless automatons, the Infernal Devices, to destroy the Shadowhunters. Mortmain needs only one last item to complete his plan. He needs Tessa. And Jem and Will, the boys who lay equal claim to Tessa's heart, will do anything to save her.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
There's so much pain in this series, it's very hard to remember an ending without some of, well, that. And so for those of us who devotedly and determinedly white-knuckled our way through to the very last line of Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare, we know exactly where our beloved friends stand. And yes, I use the term 'friends,' for what better term could be applied to ones so beautifully dear?

This series is rapidly becoming notorious for its anguish-riddled love triangle but bear in mind that it's not ALL of the focus. There is so much to be resolved here: the question of Tessa's origins, the solution to corruption born where only good should thrive which is nearly as nefarious as the Magister himself, whose malicious intent has to be stopped OBVS, and the repercussions of the treachery faced in the last book all ON TOP OF the remaining desperate query. Who will Tessa choose; is there ever really a simple choice to such a complex tangle of souls and feelings?



WHERE WE GO:
With all of the above said, there's a ton of stuff to be handled before the ties are snipped and tucked away. And because of that Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare can't begin simply. Clare reminds of you that lump you've been carrying around in your throat for a while but forgot about and the choking feeling arises again. Jem, Tessa, and Will aren't in a harmonious place as combined force of a friendship. The links are strained yet the strength they were founded on remains. There's a withholding of truths and feelings, and a suppression of others. Guilt, shame, love, selflessness, and need battle for supremacy within each of them and it's a struggle knowing intimately of the struggles within each of them and not seeing a clearly defined, necessarily happy conclusion.

But beyond those internal battles, outside forces are invading with threats. Jem's war against his sickness is coming to a head and his chances aren't looking so good with the Magister shadowing its progression and striking hot at the most (for us) inopportune moment as big bad villains tend to do. There's also the matter of the Lightwoods, and this unwanted attention from the head honchos of the shadowhunters club. AND the devious Magister isn't relinquishing his demand for Tessa, his reasons all over the place and still mysterious. Each of these problems takes up time and in a new place which are forcibly endured by our very weary and not yet fully recovered friends.

WHO WE ARE WITH:
I love that Will, Jem, and Tessa are in frame more than most, but the other characters get their moment to bake or bask or whatever in the sun. Sophie, Gideon, Gabriel, Charlotte, Henry. All of them by this point have become so precious, and so does our surprise Herondale visitor, who is both kick-butt and female Will and altogether perfect and perfectly suited to this whole cray cray shebang.

And if everyone pairs up in some way then I refuse to be unmoved by it. It's fantastic that love can dwell where it shouldn't, that it finds a way even in it's most unsuspecting and reluctant of hosts.

THE LITTLE THINGS:

1. The Tender Bromance Goodbye
2. The fact that I got everything I didn't know I could want
3. THE HUGE TWISTS that I didn't completely see
4. The quotes at the beginnings of all the chapters
5. The Desperate Expression of Passion in Prison
6. The wisdom of Magnus and the beauty of that one time with Will on page 235 to 236...
7. THE EPILOGUE
8. And especially... all of it

Where do you go from here? No, seriously, I'm lost and I don't want to find myself all alone on a deserted road with a single broken telephone in a suspect-looking telephone booth. But, really, in all seriousness, how do you just jump back after something like this? The Infernal Devices is so rich and impactful and beautiful that it's impractical to expect something more from me, from you, us, than this satisfying desolation that leaves nothing for anything else unless it's equally powerful. And yet the heart can't take anything more after THIS BOOK that is so much and perfectly enough.

How do you get over a story of weakness, will, and heart, of fools and their better halves?
I'm not quite sure I want to find out.

Hardcover / 568 pgs / March 19th 2013 / Simon & Schuster / Goodreads / $19.99

I received a pre-ordered copy from my awesomecake mommy.

Oh, ROARRRRRRRRRR, My Poor Sexy Aud

What the bleeding bodies is up with that cover though? LAME. (More) No spoilers!

Oh, my sweet Lunar babies, how does Meyer do it?

A review of Scarlet by Marissa Meyer, the sequel to Cinder. Hey, Little Red, let’s wear matching red hoodies and fly spaceships together and eat lots of tomatoes. ALSO: bring Wolf. (More) No spoilers!

Scent of Magic by Maria V. Snyder Early Book Review – My captive wasn’t the most loquacious. I kept my stiletto pressed against his skin. “I found him lost in the woods.” I tsked. “Poor thing should know the forest is dangerous at night.” [SPF]

Title: Scent of Magic by Maria V. Snyder
Author Info: Bio | Website | Facebook
Publication: Dec 18th 2012 by Harlequin MIRA

“ “I’m dead,” I said to Kerrick.

Story Arc: Trilogy, Book 1 Paperback: 400 pages Age Group: Teen, YA

Genre: High Fantasy Excerpt(s): 15% -------- Purchase --------

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The Lost Prince by Julie Kagawa Book Review – “Ah, this brings back memories. Don’t they remind you of a pair, ice-boy, from way back when?” Ash snorted. "Don't remind me."

Title: The Lost Prince by Julie Kagawa
Author Info: Bio | Website | Twitter
Publication: Oct 23rd 2012 by Harlequin Teen

“ My name is Ethan Chase...

Story Arc: Spin-Off, Book 1 Paperback: 379 pages Age Group: MG, Teen, YA

Genre: Paranormal Fantasy Excerpt(s): 35% + 90% -------- Purchase --------

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PFS2012 Bloggers' Choice: Defiance by CJ Redwine (Review + Giveaway)

Title: Defiance
Story Arc: Series
Publication: August 28, 2012 by Balzer + Bray
Hardcover: 403 pages
Genre: Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Dystopian, Adventure
Age Group: Teen, Young Adult
Source: Harper Teen via Edelweiss
Excerpt(s): Author's Pick
Content: Bloody Violence, Murder, Kissing

The weight of their pity is like a stone tied about my neck...

PFS2012 ARC Review: The Sweetest Spell by Suzanne Selfors

Title: The Sweetest Spell
Story Arc: Standalone
Publication: August 7, 2012 by Bloomsbury
Hardcover: 416 pages
Genre: Fantasy, Fairy Tale Retellings
Age Group: Teen, Young Adult
Source: Bloomsbury via Publicist
Excerpt(s): from beginning of ARC
Content: Harassment, Murder, Slavery, Kissing

I was born a dirt-scratcher's daughter...

Review: Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy

Title: The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom
Story Arc: Series, Book 1
Publication: May 1, 2012 by Walden Pond Press
Hardcover: 419 pages
Genre: Fantasy, Fairy Tales, Retelling, Adventure
Age Group: Middle Grade, Teen
Content: Mentions of Kissing
Source: Bought | Quote(s): Yes

Prince Charming is afraid of old ladies. Didn't know that, did you?

Prince Liam. Prince Frederic. Prince Duncan. Prince Gustav. You've never heard of them, have you? These are the princes who saved Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel, respectively, and yet, thanks to those lousy bards who wrote the tales, you likely know them only as Prince Charming. But all of this is about to change. Rejected by their princesses and cast out of their castles, Liam, Frederic, Duncan, and Gustav stumble upon an evil plot that could endanger each of their kingdoms. Now it's up to them to triumph over their various shortcomings, take on trolls, bandits, dragons, witches, and other assorted terrors, and become the heroes no one ever thought they could be.

Debut author Christopher Healy takes us on a journey with four imperfect princes and their four improbable princesses, all of whom are trying to become perfect heroes--a fast-paced, funny, and fresh introduction to a world where everything, even our classic fairy tales, is not at all what it seems.

Bards don’t know squat about the Princes Charming

It’s no secret that I’m in love with The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy. I’ve been declaring my love and affection on Twitter, on Youtube, for gosh sakes, and there’s a reason for it, my friends. I don’t normally DO middle grade books. I’ve always felt that there was this lack in them that I couldn’t get passed. Sometimes things get a little too predictable, a little too easy, but you know what, I’ve realized this year that I’m full of CRAP. Baskets of crap. Because what the heck do I know? This is my second attempt at middle grade, and for the second time, I’ve been put in my place, and my silly preconceptions about the age group as a whole have been popped and have dissipated into NOTHING, not even blips in my memory. To the point where I’m going to make it my business to pick up more middle grade.

I picked this up after I read this really fabulous review and character interview over at Small Review. I thought to myself, unheroic, endearing Princes Charming setting the record straight? I WANT IN. SO WANT IN. And I’ve been giving The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy these wide, creepy, happy smiles and not-so-subtle dreamy glances. Because, yes, this book is THAT good. Perfect book material, totally. It hits up my two favorite things—fantasy and retellings. It retells the fairy tales you think you know, the ones that I love, and shows you how WRONG they actually are. The Princes Charming totally set the record straight, and you’ll remember their names by the end.

You guys, this is laugh-out-loud narration, wholesome fun, charming, hilarious characterization, and so much more. The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy is about flaws turned to strengths, about a rare, unheroic bunch becoming the real thing, becoming the heroes the bards will remember this time.

Prince Charming is character girl heaven

GOSH, I love these characters. Adore them, treasure them, admire them, root for them. Each of these screw-up princes, with all their flaws, banter, and triumphs, own a mansion in my heart. I have such a soft spot for sweet-natured, curious, oddball Duncan, it’s ridiculous. Frederic is a close second place, making me LAUGH OUT LOUD in wonder and humor over his prissy, prim, and proper dialogue and his amusing prudence, his entertaining OBSESSION with cleanliness. Reading as these two discover their so-called weaknesses and oddities as strengths, as they discover their heroic qualities themselves, as well as the bond of friendship among four unlikely companions, is the purest form of joy and entertainment. I was hooked.

Then, Healy throws in quintessential storybook hero and prince with the dashing good looks and excellent strategist tendencies—Liam—and a prince with a fierce superiority complex and impulsive, reckless act-first-think-later personality—Gustav, and you couldn’t have pried me from this book if you’d offered me your last carton of cookies and cream ice cream. The illustrations just ADD to the whole disarmingly awesome reading experience.

Christopher Healy made me openly share my SNORTS of HORROR, causing shame to my relatives, I was laughing so hard, and I was too absorbed to be the least bit embarrassed. Please, I didn’t have time for that. I was too busy reading about four of the BEST male main characters to enter middle grade/young adult fiction and their quests into No Man’s Land and foreign kingdoms where they fight giants, dragons, witches, and BANDITS. Their adventures absolutely took precedence over EVERYTHING ELSE.

Prince Charming wants his princess back

From losing said princess to the promise of adventure with Rapunzel, to making another feel unwanted and underappreciated, to realizing how nasty YET ANOTHER one is, these Princes Charming certainly have their hands full.

Poor Frederic, after kissing and dancing and proposing to the lovely Ella, has driven her away with his lack of understanding and sense of adventure (his idea of a daring escapade is an outdoor picnic with a new menu to try), and he must overcome his fears of the outside world to chase after her (never mind he leaves with the little knowledge as to how to ride a horse).

Prince Gustav, shamed by his part in Rapunzel’s story and irritated at everyone’s mockery of his heroic potential, has, with his callousness and abrasiveness, sent Rapunzel packing to head in the opposite direction, off on her own in order to use her healing abilities for the good of others.

And Prince Liam? The good, noble prince actually capable of rescuing the damsel in distress, and does, has found himself in quite the pickle. After rescuing Princess Briar Rose from the evil, jealous fairy who cast a sleep spell on her entire kingdom, has witnessed firsthand, and in due shock, her plain (and unexpected) meanness and selfishness and has, with relief, refused to marry her, much to the detriment of his impeccable reputation.

All is not well for these princes, and they find themselves in the same hellhole. None of the bards have remembered their names, and so EVERYONE knows them all as only Prince Charming, and nothing more. Unwittingly stumbling across one another, Prince Frederic and Gustav are the first to unite, Gustav in hopes to finally gain a hero status in helping the helpless, clueless, frightened Frederic in saving the damsel. When that fails, and they seek the aid of the famous Charming whose reputation for defeating a witch FAIRY is widely known, the two seek him out and pick up Duncan as well for their trouble. Their distaste for each other quickly expands to trust, trust to respect and admiration, and eventually the four become protective of one another, basking in their kinship over the horrors of their reputations. They become so heartwarmingly close, and grow to be exactly the kind of people they always longed to be, while forming a brotherhood of sorts worthy of unabashed cheers and fist-pumps!

A fourth character and GIGANTIC hopes for more

Healy’s narration, so laidback and funny and surprisingly modern and natural, feels like a character all on its own. There’s constant foreshadowing and subtle trickery, in which this omniscient narrator fools us into believing the worst, one thing over another, and constantly catches us by happy surprise. His humorous perception of the characters and the goings-on in the novel make things EVEN FUNNIER, if you can believe it. And I look on this voice as a faceless character that I adore almost as much as the rest of the book!

Because The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy is to develop into an ongoing series, you’d maybe think that it ends in a dissatisfying, wide-open, even abrupt, way and that COULDN’T BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH. The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy has an ending of perfect proportions, everything tidied up yet still left room for possibilities to stretch, and closes on a happy, high-spirited note in which it’s obvious that continuous adventures are BOUND to come. I want to read the sequel, and every sequel after that, PURELY FOR SELFISH and JOYOUS reasons. I want to read every book after because I am SO IN LOVE with this story and these characters and my seedling expectations for the light romances between the Princes Charming and their princesses.

"This was meant to be. I'm coming with you."
"Oh, for crying out loud," Gustav moaned. "Another one with a cape? And an itty-bitty cape at that!"
"I think it's rather snazzy," said Frederic.
"Why, thank you," said Duncan. "I wanted something that I could swish over my shoulder for dramatic entrances--and yet not get caught in doors."
"All right, fine," said Liam. "We can always use another sword. Are you an good with a blade?"
"Ha!" laughed Duncan.
Liam furrowed his brow. "Is that 'Ha,' as in, 'How silly of you to ask; everyone knows I'm the best swordsman in the land'?" he asked hopefully.
"No, that was 'Ha,' as in, 'I've never even a held a sword,'"Duncan answered. "But I will provide all the flute music we need. Leroy!"
The other three stared at Duncan, perplexed.
"Who's Leroy?" Frederic asked.
"Oh," Duncan said. "There's a bunny over there between those trees. He looked like a Leroy to me."
Awkward silence. (119)

"That's right. We've slept in worse places," Gustav replied. "And you haven't heard me complain once, have you?"
"You complained when I wiped the gooseberries off your face," Frederic said.
"That was an invasion of my personal space," Gustav retorted.
"I'm sorry, but there was a huge glop of berries stuck to your cheek. Was I supposed to leave it there?" Frederic said. (139)

Rating: Special Shelf

I haven’t been this utterly taken with a novel in a ridiculously long time! I feel flushed and excited and SO READY for more. An encore is as necessary as air at this point. The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy has everything from a wholesome, action-packed plot in which these Princes Charming fight off evil witches, dragons, and sly, cunning, feared bandits, and contains characters flawed, huggable, and—this has to be said—charming that it’s impossible to be bored and miserable reading their story. I was dazzled by the fun omniscient narrator, the unique concepts in the plot, the villains and the good guys, and especially the illustrations—I’d never thought pictures so vital before now. I absolutely recommend The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy for peeps of all ages, and that you not just pick it up for younger relatives and friends but for yourself as well!

OTHER REVIEWS: Small Review Good Books and Good Wine The Book Smugglers

SIMILAR TITLES: The Princess Curse by Merrie Haskell Storybound by Marissa Burt Kat, Incorrigible by Stephanie Burgis

Prince Duncan, Prince Liam, Prince Frederic, and Prince Gustav respectively.

Got something specific in mind? Dare I believe I might NOT have covered something you wish to know? If so, let me know down in the comments section. Don't be shy!

ARC Review: The Assassin's Curse by Cassandra R. Clarke + Giveaway

Title: The Assassin's Curse
Story Arc: Duology, Book 1
Publication: October 2, 2012 by Strange Chemistry
Paperback: 416 pages
Genre: High Fantasy, Magic, Pirates
Age Group: Teen, Young Adult
Content: Nothing Worrisome or Notable
Source: Strange Chemistry via NetGalley | Quote(s): Yes

I ain't never been one to trust beautiful people, and Tarrin of the Hariri was the most beautiful man I ever saw.

Ananna of the Tanarau is the eldest daughter of a highly-ranked family in the loose assortment of cutthroats and thieves in the Pirate's Confederation. When she runs away from the marriage her parents have arranged for her, they hire Naji the assassin to murder her.

When a mysterious woman in a dress shop offers her magical assistance for dealing with the assassin, Ananna accepts. She never went in much for magic herself -- she lacks the talent for it -- but she's not quite ready to die yet, either. Unfortunately, the woman's magic fails.

Fortunately, Ananna inadvertently saves the assassin's life in the skirmish, thus activating a curse that had been placed on him a few years earlier. Now, whenever her life is in danger, he must protect her -- or else he experiences tremendous physical pain. Neither Ananna nor the assassin, Naji, are pleased about this development.

Follow Ananna and Naji as they sail across the globe, visiting such mysterious places as the Court of Salt and Waves, in their desperate effort to lift the curse. Soon they will discover that only by completing three impossible tasks will they be able to set themselves free.

What happens when you mess with pirates

In Ananna of the Tanarau’s world, beautiful people sure know how to make a fine mess.

Especially when said beautiful people include the progeny of dastardly greedy pirates, a river witch with a glossed over nasty streak, and evil entities in disguise from a place called Elsewhere, and… well, there I go, getting ahead of myself. Let me try again.

Ananna is the daughter of a pair of badass pirates, part of one of the higher up families in the Pirate Confederation. With the help of another pirate clan, Ananna’s family can sack a sweet hotspot ripe for pirate pickings by utilizing this clan’s stellar naval fleet. Impressive deviousness, no? The catch? An arranged marriage is involved—Ananna’s—to exactly the kind of boy she detests and distrusts—an unrepentantly beautiful one.

Because of this trashed marriage, all sorts of cool things await for the adventurous, loyal, and spirited Ananna! This is FANTASY, you guys. And one of the best ones I’ve read this year! Not only are there pirates in our midst but also shadow-dwelling assassins, insect-ship hybrid machines, mistlike entities from other worlds, witches, wizards, blood magic, and the list GOES ON. Naturalistic dialogue, organic, brilliant, mind-catching fantasy, and characters so flawed, mysterious, and huggable they are DRILLED into your heart, The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke is a story of BOUNDLESS possibilities, in which every situation or fantasy element you can cook up in your head has a chance to make it on the pages. It’s impossible to tell what Clarke will show us, design for us to visualize, next.

It’s SO easy to geek out over this book!

THIS is why I’m a character girl

Ananna is my kind of young woman. She’s bold, feisty, and fiercely loyal of her companion, Naji, the assassin sent to KILL her. How did that (their flipped relationship) happen? His tie to her is a result of her good-hearted tendencies, the ones that make her that much more of an astonishingly lovable person. She doesn’t think much of herself on the outside but she’s conscious and proud of her capabilities, which is why she doesn’t enjoy being rendered helpless, left to hand over the reins on her escape, and eventual quest into the unknown, to a certain grumbly, miserable assassin who can’t be up to any good in the first place. She’s not afraid to be who she is and she can lay it out like it is, blunt and open. I firmly believe there isn’t anything she CAN’T do—and, no, that’s not because of my insanely OBVS girl crush on her!

Naji is no slouch, or piece of chopped liver. Naji and Ananna are amazingly well-paired main characters. They’re both used to leading, to doing things a certain way. DIFFICULT is a mild term for their attempts at compromise and trust. In fact, there’s so much distrust and discord fueling their adorably sarcastic banter that their relationship grows unawares to the two of them, until they’re forced to rely on each other even more than would be considered comfortable for both of them so that those two negative, intangible companions on their exquisite journey disappear altogether. Throw in Naji’s tortured soul motif under all the Jadorr’a badassery—you know, vulnerable and crushed heart over his facial disfigurement—and you couldn’t have two more surprisingly sweetly endearing characters, both of whom would probably scowl at the label, to fall in love with in The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke.

In terms of plot and shizz

THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON HERE. We’ve got Ananna doing her darnest to escape her dreadful future in-laws in hopes that she won’t have to marry their obnoxious, dull, wannabe pirate son, and her attempts to elude the assassin after her very clever butt. Then, once the assassin in question is forced to her side because of an underlying curse suddenly activated by Ananna’s generous move, we’ve got a GIANT and ENGAGING quest to remove said curse—one which binds these two irrevocably in moments of danger. This becomes the PERFECT opportunity to take us across hazardous deserts and creature-infested seas to the maddening Isles of Sky where the answers they seek are said to be. Meanwhile, they have to dodge beings of the mists who are out on account of a personal vendetta against are solemn and secretive Naji.

But nothing about The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke TRULY compares to Ananna and Naji and the bond that solidifies into something impervious and steely over the months into their dangerous journey. Something about the two of them sparks instantly, but is taking a while to really catch fire. Their friendship is a slow, painful process because their trust and respect for each other is built upon many hard lessons and trials. It’s amusing to experience their inevitable softening toward each other, but even more so is their fast and steady defense of one another. It’s warming to see Ananna jump to defend Naji’s honor or his already bruised feelings, and come to realize the true nature of her feelings. And Naji may be a solid wall of unreachable mystery, but, underneath it all, there really isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her.

How does it end?

The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke is part of a duology, which is both lovely and saddening, because while our misery over the lack of romantic fodder won’t last overly long, I KNOW I’m going to miss them both, as well as the other characters and the extraordinary high fantasy in the storytelling, and the mess of adventures Ananna and Naji drop into.

Moments of frustratingly slow pacing aside, The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke gave me a fantastical story of epic levels, with grand fantasy that seems bigger than the story itself and characters that I’m ever-rooting for, and I’m ridiculously impressed! The story scores even more points for its unexpected awesomeness, which makes it into the sort of precious gem I treasure most. A definite favorite of the year!

PS: Doesn't Naji already remind you of Prince/Fire Lord Zuko? :-D Speaking of, check out my book boyfriend edition for June which features my favorite shadow-dwelling assassin!

"A river?" I said. "Water?"
"Water generally comprises a river, yes."
"Oh, thank Kaol and E'mko both!" I closed my eyes and all the dusty dryness fell away, and I imagined diving into clean hard river water, sloughing off all the grime and filth of travel, a proper bath and not a useless sandscrub-- "We're not there yet."
I opened my eyes. Naji was looking at me with little lines creasing the strip of his face, his own eyes bright and sparkling.
"Are you laughing at me?"
"Never."
I lunged at him with an imaginary sword, and this time he really did laugh, all throaty and raspy, and I wondered what I could do to get him to laugh more. (35%)

Rating: Perfect Bed Partner

While at very few times in the novel I struggled with the sporadic too-slow pacing—I’m a fast-paced plot kind of gal—I was deeply immersed in the enchanting and more-than-merely-the-pages fantasy that very much has a life of its own. Throw in two fabulous main characters—one of whom is the amusing, honest, and realistic narrator of the story—and I was hooked. Daring and dire adventures, wicked, frightening foes, and characters I became viciously protective of by the end, The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke rapidly found its way to the top half of my favorites of the year pile!

OTHER REVIEWS: Serendipity Reviews Infinite Day Dreams YA Book Seasons

SIMILAR TITLES: Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Seraphina by Rachel Hartman Ship Breaker by Paolo Bacigalupi

Want to win your very own copy?

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Official Giveaway Info:

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• giveaway deadline is July 22, 2012
• giveaway is open to US + INTL*
• read my Contest | Giveaway page, as well as my Privacy Notice

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Got something specific in mind? Dare I believe I might NOT have covered something you wish to know? If so, let me know down in the comments section. Don't be shy!