Been There, Read That on Halloween: 5 Reasons Your Horror Novel Won’t Even Scare a Wimp (Like Me)

5 Reasons Your Horror Novel Won’t Even Scare a Wimp (Like Me)

Yeah, yeah, it’s Halloween. Woo.

I’m sorry, I’m just a bit unenthusiastic this year because I wanted to be the Mad Hatter and I’m actually a pirate. Which would normally be cool if it wasn’t my costume from last year… and I REALLY WANTED TO BE THE MAD HATTER. So, I’m moody. Even though it is a day of The Free Stuff. Maybe once I leave this house and actively participate in getting The Free Stuff, I’ll feel better about my life. But, there’s no more appropriate evening to be pessimistic than on Halloween, the day of unabashed darkness, and so I will say I very much don’t think so. This B With An Itchy attitude makes this also the perfect time to write a post like this one. Recently, I read Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake and almost finished Velveteen by Daniel Marks. I betcha you already know where I’m going with this, but I’ll drag you there nonetheless, if I have to punch you in the face.

It’s safe to say I’m a wimp. A scaredy-cat. A quivering child under The Impervious Blanket. I make Shaggy and Count Rugen Post Meeting Man-Inigo look braver than Aragorn on a really fabulous day when the sky is cloudy and black and Nazguls are chewing on people and wreaking general havoc. After attempting movies like The Grudge and The Ring (which I’m told repeatedly isn’t that scary), I know my limits. Which is to say I don’t have any because I won’t watch a horror movie double never ever. I get so pissed when a commercial for Paranormal Activity #85 comes on WITH NO FREAKING WARNING. Is “excuse me, this program will be interrupted by a shit-your-bricks-scary preview in two seconds” really too much to ask?

Very needless to say, it should come as no surprise that I stay away from horror novels as well. Gothic ones, I approach slowly with trepidation and gaze at them from a safe distance. But, as for horror novels? I run away screaming for my dragon or my mommy to blaze me the heck out of Barnes & Noble. So, what possessed me to read books such as the above?

Simple, really. I kept my ear to the ground and got it damaged bloody by all the buzz.

One book, I loved. But, the other, which is the whole inspiration for this post, I didn’t, especially because it was misleading. If I’m going to read a horror novel, I want to be Shit Your Pants On The Bus Bench scared. If I’m not feeling SYPOTBB scared, then what the frak is the point?

That said, take my advice. I command you.

Been There, Read That (3)

BEEN THERE, READ THAT is a young feature I created to spotlight up-and-coming pre-releases that might not have made it onto your radar yet.

BEEN THERE, READ THAT was inspired by Lauren (365 Days of Reading), and her super awesome Picks of the Week!

BOOKS MENTIONED:

To Be Published: July 24, Harper Teen
Goodreads | Pre-Order

The year is 1876, and there’s something strange and deadly loose in Philadelphia…

Eleanor Fitt has a lot to worry about. Her brother has gone missing, her family has fallen on hard times, and her mother is determined to marry her off to any rich young man who walks by. But this is nothing compared to what she’s just read in the newspaper—

The Dead are rising in Philadelphia.

And then, in a frightening attack, a zombie delivers a letter to Eleanor…from her brother.

Whoever is controlling the Dead army has taken her brother as well. If Eleanor is going to find him, she’ll have to venture into the lab of the notorious Spirit-Hunters, who protect the city from supernatural forces. But as Eleanor spends more time with the Spirit-Hunters, including their maddeningly stubborn yet handsome inventor, Daniel, the situation becomes dire. And now, not only is her reputation on the line, but her very life may hang in the balance.

Published: May 8, Harper Teen
Goodreads | Order

Mackenzie and Amy were best friends. Until Amy was brutally murdered.

Since then, Mac’s life has been turned upside down. She is being haunted by Amy in her dreams, and an extremist group called the Trackers has come to Mac’s hometown of Hemlock to hunt down Amy’s killer: A white werewolf.

Lupine syndrome—also known as the werewolf virus—is on the rise across the country. Many of the infected try to hide their symptoms, but bloodlust is not easy to control.

Wanting desperately to put an end to her nightmares, Mac decides to investigate Amy’s murder herself. She discovers secrets lurking in the shadows of Hemlock, secrets about Amy’s boyfriend, Jason, her good pal Kyle, and especially her late best friend. Mac is thrown into a maelstrom of violence and betrayal that puts her life at risk.

Kathleen Peacock’s thrilling novel is the first in the Hemlock trilogy, a spellbinding urban fantasy series filled with provocative questions about prejudice, trust, lies, and love.

Got something specific in mind? Dare I believe I might NOT have covered something you wish to know? If so, let me know down in the comments section. Don't be shy!

Been There, Read That {2}

BEEN THERE, READ THAT is new feature I've created to spotlight up-and-coming pre-releases that might not have made it onto your radar yet. BEEN THERE, READ THAT was inspired by Lauren (365 Days of Reading), and her Picks of the Week, and Tara (Hobbitsies), and her Early Buzz posts.

Been There, Read That (1)

BEEN THERE, READ THAT is new feature I've created to spotlight up-and-coming pre-releases that might not have made it onto your radar yet. BEEN THERE, READ THAT was inspired by Lauren (365 Days of Reading), and her Picks of the Week, and Tara (Hobbitsies), and her Early Buzz posts.

Want a sneak peek at my thoughts about Destined by Aprilynne Pike? Check out my non-spoiler Thoughts In a Few Sentences here!

Want a sneak peek at my thoughts about Ascend by Amanda Hocking? Check out my non-spoiler Thoughts In a Few Sentences here!