5 Reasons Your Horror Novel Won’t Even Scare a Wimp (Like Me)
Yeah, yeah, it’s Halloween. Woo.
I’m sorry, I’m just a bit unenthusiastic this year because I wanted to be the Mad Hatter and I’m actually a pirate. Which would normally be cool if it wasn’t my costume from last year… and I REALLY WANTED TO BE THE MAD HATTER. So, I’m moody. Even though it is a day of The Free Stuff. Maybe once I leave this house and actively participate in getting The Free Stuff, I’ll feel better about my life. But, there’s no more appropriate evening to be pessimistic than on Halloween, the day of unabashed darkness, and so I will say I very much don’t think so. This B With An Itchy attitude makes this also the perfect time to write a post like this one. Recently, I read Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake and almost finished Velveteen by Daniel Marks. I betcha you already know where I’m going with this, but I’ll drag you there nonetheless, if I have to punch you in the face.
It’s safe to say I’m a wimp. A scaredy-cat. A quivering child under The Impervious Blanket. I make Shaggy and Count Rugen Post Meeting Man-Inigo look braver than Aragorn on a really fabulous day when the sky is cloudy and black and Nazguls are chewing on people and wreaking general havoc. After attempting movies like The Grudge and The Ring (which I’m told repeatedly isn’t that scary), I know my limits. Which is to say I don’t have any because I won’t watch a horror movie double never ever. I get so pissed when a commercial for Paranormal Activity #85 comes on WITH NO FREAKING WARNING. Is “excuse me, this program will be interrupted by a shit-your-bricks-scary preview in two seconds” really too much to ask?
Very needless to say, it should come as no surprise that I stay away from horror novels as well. Gothic ones, I approach slowly with trepidation and gaze at them from a safe distance. But, as for horror novels? I run away screaming for my dragon or my mommy to blaze me the heck out of Barnes & Noble. So, what possessed me to read books such as the above?
Simple, really. I kept my ear to the ground and got it damaged bloody by all the buzz.
One book, I loved. But, the other, which is the whole inspiration for this post, I didn’t, especially because it was misleading. If I’m going to read a horror novel, I want to be Shit Your Pants On The Bus Bench scared. If I’m not feeling SYPOTBB scared, then what the frak is the point?
That said, take my advice. I command you.
I’m sorry, I’m just a bit unenthusiastic this year because I wanted to be the Mad Hatter and I’m actually a pirate. Which would normally be cool if it wasn’t my costume from last year… and I REALLY WANTED TO BE THE MAD HATTER. So, I’m moody. Even though it is a day of The Free Stuff. Maybe once I leave this house and actively participate in getting The Free Stuff, I’ll feel better about my life. But, there’s no more appropriate evening to be pessimistic than on Halloween, the day of unabashed darkness, and so I will say I very much don’t think so. This B With An Itchy attitude makes this also the perfect time to write a post like this one. Recently, I read Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake and almost finished Velveteen by Daniel Marks. I betcha you already know where I’m going with this, but I’ll drag you there nonetheless, if I have to punch you in the face.
It’s safe to say I’m a wimp. A scaredy-cat. A quivering child under The Impervious Blanket. I make Shaggy and Count Rugen Post Meeting Man-Inigo look braver than Aragorn on a really fabulous day when the sky is cloudy and black and Nazguls are chewing on people and wreaking general havoc. After attempting movies like The Grudge and The Ring (which I’m told repeatedly isn’t that scary), I know my limits. Which is to say I don’t have any because I won’t watch a horror movie double never ever. I get so pissed when a commercial for Paranormal Activity #85 comes on WITH NO FREAKING WARNING. Is “excuse me, this program will be interrupted by a shit-your-bricks-scary preview in two seconds” really too much to ask?
Very needless to say, it should come as no surprise that I stay away from horror novels as well. Gothic ones, I approach slowly with trepidation and gaze at them from a safe distance. But, as for horror novels? I run away screaming for my dragon or my mommy to blaze me the heck out of Barnes & Noble. So, what possessed me to read books such as the above?
Simple, really. I kept my ear to the ground and got it damaged bloody by all the buzz.
One book, I loved. But, the other, which is the whole inspiration for this post, I didn’t, especially because it was misleading. If I’m going to read a horror novel, I want to be Sh
That said, take my advice. I command you.
