So I never thought I'd come back to this place.
Skylar Grey knew it, that's why she's telling the world. But Paranormal Indulgence was a place that bore so much, I think the weight ended up falling onto my shoulders and crippling me. This place - I'm gazing around at it, sifting through the archives, through memories, and the dust motes stir and glisten under light that could almost be real which falls on the library I'd built here, brick by brick, book by book - holds so, so many memories. The books I read exposed what I had been going through, all that I was undertaking, and everything I was trying to distract myself from. I cried for the characters in these books; I wept for whole worlds. Souls and places, destroyed or brought beauty. I made friends here. I grieved friends here. I've known loss. And I've known such joy.
That doesn't even cover the online surface of this place. Where I met some of the people behind the screens, who wrote to me, who commented about my thoughts. For three years Paranormal Indulgence gave me refuge, gave me peace, and gave me a chamber to hold all my thoughts, all my feelings.
And I miss that.
I miss being able to share what's inside me when a story effects me so deeply it enters my dreams, shoves aside my thoughts, sits in my mind so vividly it's like the story - and everything in it - has meshed into one person taking considerable space. Waiting for me to ask they leave. Knowing I probably never will.
I talked about some of my all time favorite books here.
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The Sky Is Everywhere... a sisterhood torn by fate and loss, the grief that waits to devour the sister left behind, and the heart-soaring objection of the boy who loves her... I would love to re-review this one
,Jellicoe Road... a tale that exists within Shangri-La, where the words to describe it have been forever lost...
The Fire and Thorn series... where a girl who doesn't fit the part of The Chosen One in body type and skillset dominates her enemies...
Saving Francesca... the very definition of what it means to be brave...
The Throne of Glass series... a set of soul books, great loves of mine, that chronicle the journey of a girl who lost everything, suffered and caused suffering for it, and found reasons to live, reasons to rule again...
The Morganville Vampire series... in which vampires run amok and inspire terror... and four kids grow up much faster than they should to stop them...
The Infernal Devices... also known as the unbreakable bonds of brotherhood books, for no male friendship has surpassed the likes of Jem and Will... As I mentioned in my review: "How do you get over a story of weakness, will, and heart, of fools and their better halves? I'm not quite sure I want to find out."
Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom... how to do it being just the way you are, exactly who you are...
Anna and the French Kiss/Lola and the Boy Next Door... love found in Paris and San Francisco that live in the grey places, asks the grey questions, and gives bright answers with even brighter futures...
Fire... set to the things you thought you knew about beautiful women and harsh princes and misshapen triangles and out of the ashes comes a new understanding of people and love...
Nowhere But Home... will you find women who ruin you, the men they love, and fate's grip on their reality set to rights...
Scarlet... like Fire, renders the heart with her complications, and Robin Hood does no better there, but their story is everything...
Tiger Lily... made me wish I appreciated Peter Pan enough to hate him and Wendy, because their story trampled hearts well-prized by the end...
Twenty Boy Summer... for a girl holding grief inside for a future that might have been with the boy everyone loved...
The Witness... who can't withstand all the nightmarish things that happen in the dark corners of the world and leads a life of seclusion, until she has reason to walk into the light...
The River of Time series... taught me the strength of women, sisterhood, and the men who can hold up against the forces of both combined as well as the power of family...
I had such things to say. And these are just some of the books which hold pieces of my heart. And I miss them. I'm not near them these days.
I live in France and have four months to go before I'm returned to them.
So I've thought to myself: maybe it's time to go back to them in a different way. Maybe it's time to return to the place that held my heart for years.
And, no, I don't mean Middle Earth.
Paranormal Indulgence might strike as a strange name, but I remember why I chose it. I remember sitting at my computer with pre-Google Blogger set-up at hand, trying to name this enormous jar where I would drop all of my feelings... and it was because I read obsessively. I indulged in a book in the wrong moments as often as the acceptable ones...
And that's starting to become true again.
So, I ask you, where are the readers? Where are the people who would come away and dream with me for a while? About people and places only we know to exist... open secrets we both guard and water until something unfathomable grows...
I want to experience that again. I hope you'll join me.
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